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Cancer diagnosis - trauma

When I was 24 being told you have stage 4 cancer is a really big blow! Massive I remember everything about that time. I try to hide it. In the day 28 years ago, I was young, I was in denial, I was petrified. I thought I was bullet proof, but then don't we all think that, I didn't know much about cancer only that it kills people, why me. Been married 3 years paying off my first home. Pregnant 19.5 weeks with my first baby. Life was amazing and wonderful.
What changed! The answer is everything and everyone. I wanted to hide from the world. I had this big idea to keep it a secret as I couldn't stand that people may write me off or scare me more, was this a great plan, maybe NoT!
But it was the only plan I had. Young minds don't cope but then is there ever a time good to be given that kind of news. No way!
Fear is the worst, it makes things bigger, scarier and being given 8 weeks to live. I thought that was enough to kill me in itself.
They put me in the terminally ill ward, next to maternity ward. Great looking through all the big doors, seeing woman happy with their babies. Where was my baby? Cancer killed her. Now was taking me.
I remember an old lady telling me 'you won't get out of here, none of us will' apparently it was the death ward, I ran down the hall in dispair!!!
How do you cope with this news, do you see my days certainly are not getting any better! This is trauma, brain overload.... someone help me. Plleasseeee
#trauma #cancer #reality #dontwanttodie

Comments

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