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Cancer - Mind Demons


The mind is a sound place I really find I have to shut mine down sometimes, I find that not thinking is better than thinking. I have a place I go to that I unplug my brain. I live here and I don't care about stuff I am kind of the Zena warrior princess.
Today that place is not working, I cannot escape a reoccurring dilemma about my body. The ultimate mind twist, the insecurity of balance. I think a lot of you will be able to understand where I am. I saw something today that broke my heart. Almost I think I am stronge enough not to feel pain, all of a sudden the pain has made me not want to carry on the ridiculous voyage of stability.
I am a very positive person, today I am struggling in my own mind twist and that I am missing so much to consider the future. Totally not like me, but I have fallen in a hole. The hole is deep and full of mud, to hard to climb out,  I see no way out. Please tell me after 4 years of fighting and smiling that I have not had a total meltdown. Men, I began to trust but really are there any to take a bullet for you.......today I think not!!!!
It's funny I have always believed in happily ever after..
Are some of my friends right - there is no such thing!
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