Cancer the mind game!

Cancer and the mind games. I found my diary from the start to the end. I can't believe what a dark place I was in. I think I actually had to shut my brain down not to have a total nervous breakdown. I actually thought about killing myself to avoid having to cope. The first cancer battle was stage 4, I was only 24 then at 43 again to face this distructive battle.
I found myself in such a bad place. Looking at my gorgeous 3 boys playing ball outside I was really trying to cope.
I actually thought about jumping off a balconey to end the war in my mind. I would never ever imagine I could be that scared.
Took me 3 days to get the courage to tell my children. I will never forget that awful day it's a thing that haunts me still today!
The mind plays you in such a bad way. Then we of course you have to cope with all the emotions of friends and family.
I think I pretended to be so stronge that I nearly turned into a tin man, frightened to show my emotions or to be weak.
Cancer, if your friend or loved one is going through this be prepared for roller coaster ride, it does effect everyone. Fear of the unknown is awful.

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