DEJA vu Or is it Cancer nightmare

DEJA vu That feeling that you get when you appear somewhere that you don't know you have been before. But something tells you, you have been here before but you know you haven't.
Same same but different - First cancer diagnosis was a blurrrr 24 petrified and not sure what's going to happen in this 8 weeks I have to live with stage 4 cancer. Wow go figure.
So I manage to bury it deep as I can to avoid it. Oh don't get me wrong I can absolutely go back there. I found an old diary where I logged how I was feeling and it was very dark and dusty indeed. But what gets you through the whole deal is that you don't know what's going to happen. Well is that a good or a bad thing.
Ok then it becomes something buried and it's buried deep. Because in this life its laugh or cry! Well as you can image if I start to cry it will be 40 days and 40 nights. Then I will have to call Noah's Ark and we will be going 2 by 2. I think you know what I mean. Argghhh
So 19 years later I have a completely different Cancer is it remission woken up or is it a new primary cancer. Well not much of a choice they both seriously suck.
Eventually find out it's a brand new Cancer breast and it's a massive spread.
My mind was fighting that feeling that I have been there before and I just can't do it, just pretend your going through this for the first time and it just DEJA vu......
yeah let's go with that. Thought I was going to have a massive mental breakdown.
Life is way hard when these things happen..,
Help #cancer #iamstilawoman #cantdothis #mercy

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