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Your not alone

I remember thinking this - I am so alone I am scared but who can I lean on who knows my terror. I guess the answer to that one is everyone in your life cares enough to support you. But they also are afraid and sometimes put their foot in their mouth because they are trying to help. Also they try to justify why they will never go through this.
I had to shut my brain down slowly only worry about what affected me and my boys. So I was really in a strange place. A battle of I know what I am supposed to be doing, sometimes I can't and in a place of I can't hear my own footsteps as I enter a noisy floor. Am I leaving is this a sign.
I found things I loved and made me happy, I made sure I did things for me every week. I got to spend time alone which I hate, I became very safe in my mind for the battle ahead.
My friends offered great support, my family were amazing, my kids they have been through a real battle as I am their protector so I am supposed to be ok. The boys made me laugh at things, I still laugh at how they made me feel safe.....it's just about reaching out. Is anyone there, I want to the world to stop...oh my you are there, I could not see you sometimes..........

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